Church Billboards

• "Big Bang theory? You've got to be kidding." - God
• "C'mon over and bring the kids." - God
• "Do you have any idea where you're going?" - God
• "Don't make me come down there." - God
• "Follow me." - God
• "Have you read my #1 best seller?  There's going to be a test." - God
• "I love you and you and you and you and…" - God
• "Keep using my name in vain, I'll make rush hour longer." - God
• "Let's meet at my house Sunday, before the game." - God
• "Loved the wedding, invite me to the marriage." - God
• "My way is the highway." - God
• "Need direction?" - God
• "Tell the kids I love them." - God
• "That "Love They Neighbor" thing... I meant it." - God
• "We need to talk." - God
• "What part of "Thou Shalt Not..." didn't you understand?" - God
• "Will the road you're on get you to my place?" - God
• "You think it's hot here?" - God
• Be ye fishers of men. You catch 'em. He'll clean 'em.
• Coincidence is when God chooses to remain anonymous.
• Come work for the Lord.  The work is hard, the hours are long and the pay is low.  But the retirement benefits are out of this world.
• Don't put a question mark where God put a period.
• Don't wait for 6 strong men to take you to church.
• Forbidden fruit creates many jams.
• God Answers Knee-Mail.
• God doesn't call the qualified, He qualifies the called.
• God grades on the cross, not the curve.
• God loves everyone, but probably prefers "fruits of the spirit" over "religious nuts!"
• God promises a safe landing, not a calm passage.
• He who angers you, controls you!
• If God is your Co-pilot, swap seats!
• If you don't like the way you were born, try being born again.
• Memberships available free to everyone under the Son.
• Most people want to serve God, but only in an advisory capacity.
• The Bible is Not Antique, Nor is it Modern, it is Eternal.
• The task ahead of us is never as great as the Power behind us.
• The Will of God will never take you to where the Grace of God will not protect you.
• Turn Life's Cares into Prayers.
• Want to make God laugh?  Tell him your future plans.
• We don't change the message, the message changes us.
• When you pray, don't give God instructions, just report for duty!

Christian Alphabet

Although things are not perfect
Because of trial or pain
Continue in thanksgiving
Do not begin to blame.
Even when the times are hard
Fierce winds are bound to blow
God is forever able
Hold on to what you know.
Imagine life without His love
Joy would cease to be
Keep thanking Him for all the things
Love imparts to thee.
Move out of "Camp Complaining"
No weapon that is known
On earth can yield the power
Praise can do alone.
Quit looking at the future
Redeem the time at hand
Start every day with worship
To "thank" is a command.
Until we see Him coming
Victorious in the sky
We'll run the race with gratitude
Xalting God most high.
Yes, there will be good times and yes some will be bad, but...
Zion waits in glory...where none are ever sad!

"Too blessed to be stressed!"

The shortest distance between a problem and a solution equals the distance between your knees and the floor. The one who kneels to the Lord can stand up to anything. Be Blessed.

Adam’s Bargain

One day Adam was feeling lonely. So he went looking for God.

"God I'm lonely." Adam said to God.

"Adam, I knew you would feel this way. So I'll make woman for you." God answered.

"Excuse me God, but what's woman?"

"Adam, woman is someone who will take care of you. She will get food for you, bear your children, will love you at all times, not question your judgement, and when you discover clothes, she'll wash and mend them for you, keep your house clean, not argue with you, and give you companionship."

"Sounds good," said Adam. "How much will she cost?"

God thought for a while and said, "Two arms and a leg."

Adam said, "Hmmmm, that's expensive! What can I get for a rib?"